I can't believe how blessed I have been. I don´t know how I got so lucky.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a solid update on here, but my life really picked up a lot in the month of November. I’ll begin with Halloween. Max (one of my best friends from home) is studying in Barcelona and, having been there with him for a weekend the year before, I knew I loved the city and was planning to visit for thanksgiving, if not more than once. He and his friends were hosting a Halloween party at a castle in the hills outside of the city, complete with spooky decorations and whole animals being grilled over the fire. It sounded too good to be true, and after sufficient peer pressure, I made some last minute tickets to go up to Barcelona (1hr 20min) by plane. I spent the entire first day in the rain roaming the streets with Max, frantically searching for a costume at any sort of reasonable price. I’m pretty confident in my creative abilities to make anything out of just about anything… I just needed a Salvation Army or something to work with, but as there were none to be found, with about an hour before the party we found some orange plastic tablecloths and a green headband and went as pumpkins; they actually turned out to be a big hit! The party was a lot of fun, and his friends were great… all hilarious and really welcoming. The next day was also cold and wet, so not a lot of tourist activities were accomplished, but hopefully that will be taken care of later. The only negative of the trip is that my camera was stolen out of my backpack soon after I arrived. I’m not sure why, but that sort of thing doesn’t really get me that down. I mean, it sucks, but I can always get pictures from other people I’m with who have cameras, and hey… worse things could happen. It’s just a material possession. I really have shitty luck with cameras though… that was number 3…!

After that, the whirlwind of trying to stay up on elections and results and aftermath was tough, but it ended up with more positives than negatives, though I was extremely disappointed with my home state (see below). However, Barcelona was my first time away from my roommates, and it really made me realize just how much I had grown close to them and how much I truly appreciated them. They had really become my family here in Malaga, and all day everyday I was with any or everyone of them. Just coming home and having everyone in the kitchen, cooking and talking, or at night going out doing some activity together, or just staying in and playing a game, watching a movie, or just talking, we were always together and I loved being with them. Despite being more or less 8 of us in an apartment made for 5, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve absolutely loved having so many different people around that function so cohesively and enjoy each other’s presence so much. Before going out, we usually drink some beer or wine in the apartment (almost always playing a game), but what ended up happening is that we never want to leave! People may or may not come over with us, and we just end up staying in playing and laughing until like 2:00 or 3:00 before we realize it’s already late and we have to leave if we want to make anything of our night! I’ve taught a lot of games that everyone really likes, but I also spread the plague of the Rubik’s Cube, teaching a couple roommates a few basic steps, and now there’s two – Marcelo and Marcos that are addicted.

Butttttt now everything is changing… Last Friday Daniela, probably the roommate who I had grown the closest to, left to travel before returning to Brazil in December. She is an amazing person, always laughing, and probably the person most full of life that I have ever met. Always singing, always dancing, and the type of person where anything instantly becomes an inside joke so that everyone has their own special little relationship with her. I took the bus with her to Madrid this last weekend because I went to Salamanca despues, and we had a looong, sad goodbye in the bus station. Also, Marcos, who has more or less been “squatting” in our apartment for the last six weeks, finally decided to move on, continuing to travel I think until February when he also goes back to Brazil. He is hilarious and extremely polite, sometimes too polite, where he is always trying to forcefeed you food that he made or let himself do the dishes even if he didn’t eat or cook the food. Also, he looks exactly like Dennis Quaid. When I found out he was coming to visit, I figured it was maybe a night, or a weekend at most, but six weeks and 3 or 4 official “despedidas” (goodbyes) later, he finally left. Without the two of them around these last few days, the apartment has truly seemed dead. It’s a lot colder and darker in general now in Malaga, and overall the apartment has lost a lot of life. Marcelo, “the grandpa”, leaves on Friday, too, and Juliana in 2 weeks! Marcelo and Juliana were the first ones I met in the apartment, and instantly invited me to eat with them before I had even set down my bags. Marcelo is very curious and is always talking, either about Brazil or asking questions about my experiences in the United States, as he has spent time in Detroit and Boston, and knows/likes American culture a lot. We all make fun of him that he is the other American since it’s usually me up against the 4 Brazilians. Juliana and I spent a lot of time together the first week after I moved in because at the time she was only working a couple nights a week at the discoteca, and she kind of introduced me to the city, as well as the night life which she knows plenty about! We went to the feria together in Fuengirola which was incredible. Also, we both love to dance and the first couple weekends we stayed out a couple times till 6 or 7 in the morning. I know some other people are going to move in, but it’s really hard to imagine life in the apartment without the four of them. The only one left is Alexia from France and her boyfriend Manu from Malaga, and I love them both, but since she was gone for my first month I don’t quite have the same connection. Oh well, I also look forward to the change, and maybe now being a little more alone… or “independent”… I will get to know the city a little better and start to get more of an organized schedule with exercise or other hobbies.

It didn’t make it any better that I went to Salamanca last weekend for a couple days with my old host family. I was soooo happy to see them, and they seemed equally happy to see me. It was freezing in Salamanca, but we had a great time together, not really doing a whole lot more than going for walks and just hanging out and catching up. Combined with my roommates leaving, and being with loved ones that are as close to real family as it gets, it has caused me to feel my first pangs of homesickness. Nothing too strong, but it’s the first time that I find myself once in a while thinking about home for once, whereas I never was before.

I will have a lot to distract me though – Barcelona for Thanksgiving 11/26 – 11/30, Morocco for a weekend Dec 12-14, and then Germany with the German family from Dec. 20- Jan 2. I’m gonna get back in January and turn around and it will already be May in no time, I already know. It’s gonna fly by from here on out.

Hope this catches most people up on things. Feel free to send this around to anyone who may not be reading this, because I would love to hear from everybody! Much love.

A few scattered photos:

Malaga (more or less... 3 photos put together hastily)


Malgueta beach


Cordoba, sea of columns


Cordoba, jardin del alcazar


Salamanca, reunited with my host family!

a sad day

Two days ago, California voted in order to ban homosexuals from marrying, casting a very dark cloud over the otherwise monumental, joyful, and inspirational victory of our next president Barack Obama. Yes, Florida and Arizona passed similar measures as I would expect from such states… but California?!? I held you in a higher esteem. I have always stood by you, believed in you, defended you when you faltered, and was proud to call you home. But this week, you failed me.

The past 8 years in our country have at times caused me to be embarrassed to call myself American, skewing the term patriot to personally contain negative connotations. When meeting someone from another country I would often say “Yes, I’m American, BUT…” as a preemptive defense for what I considered an imminent and justified accusation. I’d have to delve into why someone like Bush could become president in my country, why we go to war for such causes and not for others, or why we treat the world as our plaything, explaining that the country is split up into very distinct sections where the peoples’ sentiments lie all over the spectrum. But California- you were always my trump card. I could fall back on you easily, explaining that “Hey… I’m from California, and we’re not like that.” There’s not a person in the world that hasn’t heard of California and her splendor, and being from California instantly gained me some respect. I was content with considering myself more “Californian” than American. Until now…

Never have I ever felt ashamed of you, California. Never have I ever felt anything but pride. Even after electing an (awful) actor as our governor, somehow I always believed things would turn out okay. People would question me, but I felt there was nothing to defend, because California was still as it was. We still had the beaches, the big cities, the diversity – all the things that made us so admired. Nothing was going to change how I felt about my home.

But this, California, is unforgivable. It is a law I truly don’t understand. Even the support for racial segregation made more sense to me, because at least then, it was the ignorant white power who felt that having black people in the classroom/restaurant/bus was affecting them in some unknown way. I would love for someone to explain to me how a wedding affects anyone, ANYONE, besides those getting married, because even the incomprehensible racial segregation argument doesn’t come close. I’m not talking about the tax/insurance reasons or logistical reasons, but the actual concept of homosexuals being married has nothing to do with one single other person outside of the two exchanging vows. No one is forcing the supporters of Prop 8 to come to any weddings or ever meet a gay person in their entire lives if they so choose, but what reasons could you possibly have that a fellow human being cannot marry the person they love. I feel like it would be amazing justification if every individual who voted yes had to go to the home of a gay couple and tell them to their face, “Your marriage to the one you love is no longer valid, nor will I give you the opportunity to marry if you haven’t already done so, because I think you are less of a person than I am.” By restricting someone’s rights, by saying that you can do something that someone else can’t, means that you do not see them as an equal.

Aghh... I feel like I am currently 50 years in the future, reading these results in a history book. I am 100% positive this will be looked back upon in 50 to 100 years as all other civil rights atrocities, asking ourselves “How did we possibly ever think that was okay? How did we allow that to happen?” It’s like in 2008 seeing a picture of a water fountain marked “colored” next to one marked “white”. It’s become a spectacle, because to my generation this idea seems preposterous. And I don’t see how Prop 8 is any less preposterous. To me it’s exactly the same as saying people with blond hair can’t marry, or Mexican-Americans, or blind people can’t marry. Is it because homosexual couples can’t have children? Then should we say sterile people can’t marry? No, because wouldn’t that be violating the Declaration of Independence stating that all men are created equal? Yet, it seems the dim 53% of our state gets to choose where and when the church’s doctrines take precedence over our nation’s core principles.

Perhaps what pains me most is that it comes on the heels of, in my mind, our nation’s most significant civil rights victory to date. America has spoken with resounding enthusiasm that we are prepared to have a black person as our leader and as our representative to the rest of the world, and I don’t see any other mass statement more powerful that says we have changed. And yet… the same person who goes to their voting booth, patting themselves on the back because they just voted for an African-American for president, can turn the page and mark yes to limit the rights of a specific population of fellow citizens. This is just as big of a step backwards as it is forwards for civil rights in my mind. It’s depressing to be proud of how far we’ve come, only to realize we haven’t accomplished much at all. I see it as a sign that nothing’s changed, and maybe nothing will ever change in our battle for equality. After homosexuals, we will find another population to discriminate against, and start the cycle again. As long as people are still oppressed, no one is ever truly free.

My life in Brazil... I mean Spain

(some crazy addictive Brazilian song... wait for the beat to come in)

So I still don't have internet, but I have a break during school now and there's a computer in the teacher's lounge! Haha it's actually really funny to me that I spend a lot of time in the teacher's lounge. Beyond actually being in Spain, it's pretty funny just to be on the other side of the educational front, after spending my entire life as a student. I get such a different perspective on it all, and realize now looking back on my educational experiences, especially my younger years, that some teachers really don't have much of a clue what they're doing, while others are just obviously better. Also, hearing them talk shit about students is pretty funny too... I can't begin to imagine how much of that went on at St Mary's.

School is pretty good though. I only technically have to work 12 hours a week with this program, and some of my friends at their schools were able to set up their own schedules and work like Tue-Thu, 9:00-1:00 or something which sounds pretty sweet. However being that I am at a big high school, and I am the only "auxiliar" (there was supposed to be two but like me, the other had been switched to this school right before arriving, but he showed up at his old school and started there instead), I think they take my position realy seriously. I was given my schedule, made for me by the administration, and it's kinda wack. Not that I don't mind working or being here, but for example today I have the first class of the day from 8:30-9:30, and only work one other class, from 1:00-2:00. So while I'm not technically "working" during the hours inbetween, I'm still at school doing lesson planning or helping other teachers etc... And I live in Malaga which is 45 min train ride away so I can't exactly zip home in between. But it's also good because I'm really making my presence felt more than if I was only there every now and then or if I didn't have anything to do. If I do have down time at school, I've been reading the daily Spanish newspaper, especially the US news and the presidential updates, which has been really interesting getting a foregn perspective on US issues. Most articles seem pretty biased towards Obama, and have been instilling some confidence in me for a Barack victory. Unfortunately I won't be able to vote as I got my address late and couldn't get the absentee information sent in time. I really wanted to vote this year, for president because it is such a historic moment in history that I wanted to be a part of, but as I'm confident he'll win California, I feel only slightly less disappointed in not voting. But what I really wanted to vote for is the gay marriage bill, which I feel is equally as historic and if the ban passes it will be looked back upon as a dark time in civil rights history.

Otherwise life is good. I spend a lot of time walking around the city, especially to the train station and back, and including my time spent on the train everyday, I'm soaking up a lot of what "living" here is all about. My commute is in total about 1 1/2 hours each way, so as much as that sucks, it's kind of cool to really be a part of the working world here, and I get to observe a lot about daily life in Málaga and La Costa del Sol.

99% of my time while not working is spent with my roommates (well, the 3 Brazilian ones). We cook a lot for each other and otherwise just hang out 24-7, sharing stories about where we live and chopping it up basically... Everyone our age in the states is always saying "ohhh I want to go to Brazil so badly" but to me I was always almost against the idea of going to Brazil, just because it was the cool place to say you WANT to go to, even if people likely were never actually going to go. It kind of has this magical illusion attached to it, at least that's what it seemed to me in the states. But now I want to go sooo badly, because all they talk about is how beautiful it is, how much they love it, and how much fun it can be (especially carnaval.) And if the people are anything like the 9 or 10 Brazilians I've met so far here, they are amazing too. I'm aiming for February 2010 to hit up carnaval! It was my roommate Juliana's birthday last week and she was having a get together at a friend's flat, so I told her I woud make some food for her present.... so after a arduous search for all the ingedients, I made HELLA tacos for about 14 people, and I don't think a single one of them had eaten tacos before. Also made guacamole, which was a big time hit. Pretty funny having all these spanish speakers around who don't eat mexican food, but they all loved it.

I Took my first trip this weekend, two days and a night in Córdoba which was SO beautiful and rather small so it was easy to walk around. Pictures to come. I'm also realizing that I have to watch my money so much more this time around compared to last year when was studying and just kind of happy-go-lucky when it came to traveling and spending. I have a lot more responsibilities now and I don't think I'll be doing tons of traveling, although I'm in the process of planning Barcelona for thanksgiving with max and others, and christmas in Germany with the family. I'm also dying to go back to Salamanca and see my host family from last year. I still talk to them a lot and they keep asking me when I am coming. I'm really blessed to have good people in my life, both here and in the US.

If you're reading this, send me an update on what you're up to! LSpurgeon@gmail.com

getting started

(they didn't have this song on imeem but I liked it too much to not put it up)
I haven't updated in a while so I figure I should get up to speed on what I've been up to, but I don't have a lot of time because I'm at an internet cafe. But in regards to the housing situation of the last post, I guess I was just tired of looking all the time and was just wanting to make a decision so I could finally move in some where, unpack, and just be settled. However I ended up waiting it out a little more and ended up finding a place pretty close to the city center in an old kinda crappy apartment but with great roommates. The address is C/ Atarazanas 15, Málaga, Spain if you want to google me! When I moved in it was with 4 brazilians, 1 irish girl, and 1 french girl (who has a spanish boyfriend who is over a lot.) So it was damn near 8 of us in an apartment made for 5... but I was all for having a lot of people, and it's been great getting to know so many people from different places. But the french girl left for a month vacation after my 2nd day, and one of the Brazilian girls just left to study english in Ireland on tuesday, so it´s a little more calm now. The irish girl is a little quieter and doesnt speak as much spanish, so I've mainly been hanging out with the brazilians, trying to learn a little portuguese while I'm at it...

Otherwise I've just been settling in, buying groceries and other necessities, and just trying to get to know the city I'm going to be living in! I've gone out a little at night with the roommies, and it's a little more lowkey than a lot of other cities in spain that i've been to, though there is still plenty to do.

The town I teach in, Fuengirola, has their annual Feria all this week, so I had tuesday AND friday off, and all the other days there were pretty much no students at school because their parents don´t make them go because of the feria. It's ridiculous... some of my classes had one kid. But I went on friday and it was great! Lots of beautiful cultural clothing, rides, games, dancing, bars, music... all lots of fun. I have to go now because I'm out of time, but photos to come!


the brazilians and i looking over malaga

an adventure so far!

(sorry for the kind of depressing first post. It was just an odd time, but i actually felt a lot better the next day) This is the end of my 4th full day in spain, although it feels like a couple weeks already. I wish I could report that I'm having tons of fun and exploring the city and area, but really its been a lot of work so far. I'm having a good time, but I've just had SO much business to take care of. The biggest issue is, of course housing, and that's been my main focus since I arrived.

We (my friend from ucla Cody who is teaching nearby) got here wed. the 24th, and my parents were nice enough to put us up in a hotel for the first few days in order to ease the transition. It was a great hotel and I really wish I could have taken advantage of it a little more, but mainly it was just a comfortable place to sleep while we hit the ground running, looking for apartments. It was hard at first because we just spent so much time on the internet emailing anyone and everyone possible about places, but got barely any responses. Then, finally, we got cell phones and were able to call the numbers listed, and that made for much easier contact.

Friday I went out to Fuengirola where I'm gonna teach and checked out the town. It's realllly nice, but fairly catered to tourists. It looks like it has a great beach, and despite all the pale british folks walking around, its not overrun by tourists. It's mainly just one part of the city, and then the rest is pretty much just bland apartment buildings where the rest of the people live. I also visited my school, which was somewhat intimidating since they weren't expecting me yet, despite being in session. I just timidly walked up to the front gate, which was locked, so I kinda got nervous and wasn't sure if I should try to call first or just come back another day, but then I just manned up and rang the buzzer. I went in and just said hola soy william spurgeon y voy a estar de auxiliar. Before I could even finish I got passed around from staff member to staff member, before finally I was taken to the principal, who didn't know who I was, but knew that they were expecting a couple new teachers the next week. He was really nice, but didn't really know what to tell me other than a quick run down about the school, introduced me to a few other teachers, and then showed me a bulletin board with some housing options. Despite not being super organized, they were so hospitable, and i'm really glad I went to check it out instead of just showing up the first day and being thrown into it all.

But now that brings me to housing... Right now I basically am debating between either living in Malaga or Fuengirola, which would make it about a 45 min train ride each day back and forth, though I'm only working 3 or 4 days a week. I think I'm kind of leaning towards living in Malaga, because there's just so much more going on, but i really havent seen a whole lot of Fuengirola outside of my short trip there. Sooooo in Malaga, where I've been staying, I am debating between two places. If you happen to be reading this at any point before Oct. 1, let me know what you think:

1.) An apartment with 4 rooms, 2 of them occupied by a couple spanish brothers who are probably about 26 and 28. The one I spoke to was really cool and nice, but he said they both have girlfriends and work a lot, and when I asked what they do in their freetime, he basically said they don't have free time. The place is kind of old, but plenty clean and nice, and has pretty much all the standard things already you could want in a place to live. It has a nice terrace over the street, with a cool church about 100 meters up, at the end of the street.

2.) The other is essentially an international house with 15 single rooms. There's a cool outdoor patio with a bbq, and the people are from all over. A few spanish people, but mainly people from other euro countries. So, it's not living with strictly spaniards, but we would still probably have to speak spanish since its our only common language. It has a big common room and kitchen and everything, and that seems to be where everyone hangs out. oh, and did i mention its a couple blocks from the beach?!? BUT... it is about a 10-15 minute bus ride from the city center which I would probably frequent, especially weekends for going out or any large necessities. On one hand, say we want to go out to bars in malaga-central, it will likely be a bunch of us from the house going together, and we could head out together, or possibly even share cabs on the way back, but still being a 10-15 min walk to the center would be preferable. There is a grocery store and restaurants and stuff close, but really the city center is where its going on. Also don't know how reliable the buses are. But it sounds like a unique experience.

So, that's where I stand right now. But hey, I'm still alive and haven't had anything go too wrong yet. Just can't wait to be settled!!! I will feel so much better just to have a spot to rest my head and unpack, then i can get to the fun...!

refraction

It's roughly 38 hours before I leave for Spain for the year, so I have decided to give this blog a try. I have always kept a journal on my travels, starting when I was about 9 in Germany and my mom would pay me 50cents per page to just write what I was doing, knowing down the line I would appreciate it. I remember writing about going to see "Casper" in the theaters with my Uncle Bernhard, and what I thought about each of the bad ghosts, even though I didn't understand a thing they were saying. From then on I tried to write anything, even just jot a few feelings, whenever removed from home, just to see what I was like and what I was doing! I look back on any small piece of information I ever wrote down as invaluable insight and memory, much more so than any photograph could capture... However physically writing takes a lot more time than typing, and my stream of consciousness is much more accurate when the thoughts get put down as they come in, which is where typing comes in.

Today was a pretty uncomfortable day. Up until this point I had been slowly preparing (emphasis on slow) but not really focusing on the trip too much as there was so much that was out of my control until I actually got there. But mannnnn... I was just in the house all day today, knowing I should be working on my stuff. Leaving the house or going to kick it with friends at this point would've just been wrong, what with so much to do, but being at home didn't mean I had any more desire to get my packing and organization done, so really it left the entire day for solitary reflection, which produced an unfortunate stew of emotion.

The status of my life as is: I'm 22. Healthy. A degree from a good university. Good friends. Great family. Secure financially. Happy.

Happy... happy where I am, happy with what I've done, happy with where I'm headed. The idea of spending a year in Spain is filled with romanticism and fantasy, but as I face my departure, reflecting on what I have right now, it's hard not to ask, "why am I going?" I'm not escaping anything... I'm not unhappy... I don't personally feel that I need a change... so why voluntarily leave these blessings I've grown accustomed to?

I faced this same situation last year before studying abroad, except then I was actually asking myself these questions, considering throwing in the towel and just sticking with what was easiest. I come to find out the only negative feelings I had the entire time I was in Spain was raw anger at myself for even entertaining this thinking, remembering at some point that I thought about canceling and realizing that would have been developmental suicide. Seriously, I was genuinely mad at myself for being so weak as to almost give in to the temptations of comfortability and conformity.

This year, the same thoughts and feelings that lead to the former's emotionally trying period are just as present. Thankfully, I am able to recognize their presence now, having reaped the benefits of ignoring them and having a great time last year. However, that doesn't mean I feel any better. I've really just kind of been in a funk all day. It's hard to explain... it reminds me of having a strong regret or guilt, where for days every second of downtime is occupied with thoughts of that situation that you can't shake, making it worse the more you try. I think just the thought of leaving, and any sort of major change, is scary. And then right before you always have to evaluate what you are actually doing, making sure what you "have" doesn't become what you "had", followed by self-resentment. Not that I think it will, but those thoughts still exist.

My feelings at this point are so magnified by the impending voyage that they have become paralyzing to a point. I have a lot to do for when I go, but my mind automatically reverts to focus on what I'm leaving. Every new moment that passes right now is the moment that I have most loved who and what I have in my life. I am so appreciative for all my friends, my wonderful family, and I am beginning to recognize the little signs that the same way I am valuing them, they seem to value me, thus multiplying these emotions. It's incredibly heart warming and humbling to realize how lucky I am to have people who want to be friends with me, and who care enough about me to want to be in my life as I want to be in their's.

And so now, wow, the power I have with this heightened perspective was what made me want to stay last year, and what makes me want to let everyone feel it too. But I don't think that would be possible. I don't think that 6 months ago I would have been in any sort of psychological position to even have access to such a perceptive world because my life's preoccupations had no capacity to include such thinking, not with the next BS multiple choice midterm looming or a big basketball game on the weekend.

You see where I'm going? It's taken leaving to realize just how good staying could be! But now I CAN'T stay! And to those staying, my situation seems so amazing because I'm leaving. How ironic is that? A couple people say they are jealous that I'm leaving and wish they could, but I imagine if they saw their current lives as I see my (stay-at-home) life at this second, it would make them plenty satisfied. But just as I never saw it until right now, it's something I would never know if I had the opportunity to demonstrate my appreciation, because I would have never had the perspective of not having it available.

In an effort to avoid being too redundant or confusing, essentially this is what has created my shitty mood, and what imagine will stay shitty until I sit down on that plane and have no where to look but directly in front of me. But if there is even anyone reading this at any point, if anyone can even connect a little, think about it- try to visualize yourself without a person, or without your situation of comfortability, and then ask yourself "what would I miss without ____ in my life? what would I regret not having done?" I know, it's so much more easily said than done, and I don't even know if it's possible to execute effectively, but try, and see how you feel. Change is good, but that doesn't mean stability is bad. As the title of the blog comes from my friend alex: don't be a robot. As long as you remain conscious, perceptive, and aware, you are way ahead of the game. The rest will come.